Is it over yet? (Not even close)

Apparently I have a chronic issue remembering the password for this account... lame.

So, Nobama won the election today. I'm bummed, because he's disappointed me a lot. At first, I was all about him. His speeches and thoughts were brilliant and inspiring, he spoke for change and reform, and excited all of the optimism in me.

Aaand then-

He lies. He hides. His charm turns smarmy, and his calm becomes oddly robotic. He can't decide who his (powerful & influential) friends are, and falls victim to very convenient amnesia.

I can't stand people who don't take responsibility for their words and actions.

Needless to say, I'm worried. Obama is even making me (with my socialistic leanings) uncomfortable. I believe in social responsibility and personal giving in a capitalistic society. I do not believe that the government should take my hard-earned money and give it to everyone else. I believe that I should take my hard earned money and give to those less fortunate. I believe that it is the church's job to care for the widow and the orphan, not my personal job to support the lazy.
I believe that the government should leave me alone, and have far less say in my daily life.
I'm pretty sure Obama is going to do the opposite of that. Is he what this country needs? We'll see.

I'm waiting to be impressed.

I'm a weird libertarian, but is anyone else with me here?

I'm skurred of moving

So, the time has finally (almost) come. Friday we're finishing packing and moving everything down to a storage unit in Escondido. It's kinda funny to think of the things that we can live without, even though I'll miss having and using a lot of the stuff. All of my grandpa's (and my) paintings, wedding pictures, winter clothes, an entire box of shoes, three full boxes of books (at current packing status, at least), and all kinds of other possessions that somehow become so valuable. My favorite things aren't the most expensive, though, which I think is pretty good. I'll miss having the homey, memory filled things around for the next few months.

Right now it's looking like we're going to rent a room from a lady named Julie. Besides her, there are 3 my-aged girls living there, and Jake says they all seem really nice. I have to go down there tomorrow though to meet them, because they need to meet me before they decide if we can live there. I totally understand, but it'll be pretty lame if they don't like me. We're moving on Friday... that's a whole two days away...

Needless to say, i'm a little stressed out. I'm spending half of each day at Hire A Helper, trying to pack the whole house, and save some time for the friends that are going to be so much harder to see now.

I need me some Jesus-lovin. I know that He should be my constant, but sometimes it's so hard to find that. I'm one of those dumbs who always realizes again and again when things get hard that Jesus is the only answer. Jake is wonderful in his way, but he was never intended to be my all-in-all. That spot is for my Saviour alone... and I really wish that I were better at living up to my vow of faith and life.

I'm skurred of so many things-- where to live, new roommates, never finding a house and always having roommates, drifting away from friendship with Jake because we don't have much one-on-one time, getting a real all the way degree, finding a real job, wasting my life, never helping anyone or changing someone's life...

I'm a big fat whiner. I'm sorry. But what else are blogs for, right?

How are you?

I'm back!

Holy Crap. I haven't been able to log in to this blog or the associated email account in ages. Turns out the password isn't chucknorris, like Jake insisted that it was. :)

I'll be back soon to post a real blog with real updates, but right now i'm busy at work... kinda. I'm at my internship at hireahelper.com learning search engine optimization. I'm supposed to be writing a blog saying what i've learned so far.

I'm totally writing a blog.... just maybe not the right one. Mike kicks ass for giving me this opportunity. i'm gonna stop wasting his time now. :)

Tradition

(I'm never good at intros, so I'm just gonna do 'how I do' in normal conversation: that is, plunge right in)

Something in me longs for ceremony and tradition. Human nature, personality, something in me- I really don't know what. Whatever it is kinda makes me wish I was Anglican. Or Jewish. Ha, or as my 5 year old cousin calls it, "Messy Jew". She means Messianic, and she cracks me up.

It's something that I've been thinking about for quite some time, but was re.... activated(?) after reading this article a few weeks ago. I sent the link to Dr. Mooney (our pastor, and a past professor of mine) to ask him what he thought of it.
In a quick conversation at school one day, he gave me a quick overview of his thoughts. He wasn't so much a fan of the mystic, emergent-y elements, mainly because repentance isn't a nice, or uplifting feeling. It's tough. It's a nitty-gritty, no fun, prostration before the Living God please-don't-kill-me-i-suck-so-much kinda thing. I completely agree. Besides, the idea that we only somberly think of our mortality and badness for a month and a half out of the whole year is pretty lame.

There's also the problem with traditions and ceremonial rites that it gets us complacent and tuned-out to the whole thing. That is certainly a concern for all (western, mostly, i think) peoples, because we love our comfort, and we'll settle right in to just about anything if you give us a few minutes.

So I see the shortcomings of ceremonial things, but I still long for them. Am I wrong?

I really don't know. I think that ceremony is a way for humans to connect with something bigger than themselves, be it God or community or whatever else. For me, at least, it's an emotional connection fer sherrr. My intellect doesn't really give a crap for cathedral acoustics, stained glass, speaking beloved texts in unison with my brothers and sisters, etc., but my emotional side really does.

So the important thing for me to figure out, I think, is what place does this really have in my relationship to the Most High? Is it important to help me connect with the awe of His Power and Majesty that sometimes seems hard to find? Or is it just another stupid idea for me to get tangled up in? (I tend to get pretty tangled, sometimes)

I long to feel His glory and power and majesty and beauty and just be in total awe and wonder at it. (It'd be pretty cool if I didn't crap myself at that point, too.)

So I dunno. Thoughts? Suggestions? Anyone wanna read the Book of Common Prayer with me? (I don't have a copy, but my birthday's coming up! [hint hint])

I'm so excited!

Hello!!

So, i haven't been able to log into this account for some reason, which is why there have been no new posts for quite a while. Sorry about the bipolar tone of the other posts!


Anyway, i'm on my way to work, but i thought that since i managed to log in i sould leave a little note.

Update: We are blessed, and God is good. haha- not so much of a surprise there, huh?
times are hard, but we're making it. we still have a roof, a bed, and food, so i'm very grateful. other things could be better, but every hard thing is a chance for us to grow.

Pray that we use the opportunities to grow stronger and closer to our Lord.


Okay, i'm like super cheerleader here, but whatever. Gotsta go to work now.

lovelovelove

Guh....

... I hate when Jake is out of town.

There are good things that come of it, though. I hung out with Heather a lot today and got to meet some cool friends of hers. That girl Sarah is a "kindred spirit", fo sho.

I love heather and having girl time, but when it comes down to it, my husband is my best friend. He is my favorite person to spend time with, and without him I get either bummed or crazy.... although the craziness tonight might have been from the massive amounts of caffiene I had today. Coffee is just so good!

School is looking pretty good this semester. I have one more test, which shouldn't be too bad, probably a take-home final or two, and then just need to finish my survey and put the rest of a paper together, which should take all of an hour, maybe.

God has blessed me so much: from the huge things, like letting me find and spend my life with such a wonderful man and giving me the strength to finish school, to little things like meeting cool people and getting a good parking spot tonight.

Which reminds me, there are cops all over the apartment complex tonight... good thing I sleep with mace on my bedside table. :)

Eek. If no one hears from me for a few days, it might be best to come look around the apartment for signs of forced entry. Don't look at the mess, though. I pick up after myself, but I am NOT cleaning up Mike and Amy's mess, no matter how much I want a clean house.

On that note, I'm off to find socks for my poor leetle feetsies, because I have no warm hubby in bed tonight to stick them on.

Ha, poor kid.

h'okay, so.

I should be doing homework right now....

And in my procrastination, here comes a blog!

I've noticed that this blog is rather bipolar... i tend to only write in it when i'm either very happy or very bummed. I'm usually pretty even keeled, so reading this thing is a bit odd for me.

But anyway, update on life:

I have three huge assignments due tomorrow: a lab report for Marine Science that's a huge part of my grade, a methods paper for Methods of Research thats an even bigger part of my grade, and a crazy long test in Tests and Measurements that is something like a quarter of my grade in that class.
Now let me say, while I appreciate these teacher's motives in trying to get things out of the way so that we can have a relaxing Thanksgiving weekend, I do not appreciate that all of my teachers did this at once. So tomorrow (Monday) after 1:30pm I'll be thrilled... but until then, not so much.

I think i'm behind in my Methods class, but i'm not sure, because the teacher is crazy and no one in the class knows whats going on. I think that I maybe should have turned in my lit review already, but no one else has, the teacher hasn't said anything, and the syllabus is all off, anyway.

That's the only class that i'm worried about my grade in.... the others should be pretty good, i think.

The play is over (for which I truly praise God from the bottom of my heart), but auditions for Fiddler happen the week we come back from Thanksgiving. I still don't know what I want to do. Should I audition and be responsible for that much time away from my studies and Jake, or should I just do tech work, which I love, and spend as much time, but not away from Jake?
This is my last semester in school, the last play i'll likely be involved with. I love theatre, but it isn't the thing I'm most passionate about. My family is much more important to me.... Plays will come and go, but my relationship with Jake will last our whole lives. Is it wrong that i'd rather work on that?
It would be nice to sing and dance and learn more, though.

I'm so confused! and I'm terrified of auditioning. I know i'm good, but if i think that they think I suck, it bothers me a lot, and i immediately dont do as well. I'm dumb.

H'okay, so. I need to get back to homework. I'm a time waster, though... and i don't like working on stupid stuff.

I wish I were more interested in my major.... eek.