FTR (that's 'for the record', as Devyn would say), being pregnant isn't so bad when I'm not nauseated by everything or breaking out in hives all day. I love my midwife for allowing benedryl, because damn. I really thought I was going to die with those hives.

I've gone through so many things that I was "sure, this time" were causing the hives. I'm talking everything from laundry detergent, lotion, and deodorant to my vitamins, the food at work, and milk. I've cut out each of those things in turn, and to no avail... They keep happening. They almost look like bug bites, but there's no bite mark, no certain time that I break out, and no one else has them. Sometimes they disappear, and sometimes they linger as a rash-- either the same size as the original hive, or it spreads to an inch+ circle. It's so lame.

Sidenote-- I'm watching the Olympics again-- I'm not a fan of speed skating. It isn't fun and it stresses me out hardcore. They always look like they're going to fall, and I'm terrified the entire time that someone will fall and a skate will accidentally slice open a major artery or slice off a finger. I know that's morbid, but I've thought about it every winter that it's on, from when I was a kid. Ha, I'm a worrier by nature, what can I say?

I really need to make a few calls for work and get to bed. Love you all, and can't wait to see some of you this weekend!!

Early pregnancy rant

I'm so bad at posting!! I think about things I should blog throughout the day, but by the time I get home and make dinner and clean up a bit, I'm done.

I'm very distracted by the Olympics right now-- this crazy ice skating man is stressing me out. What's his name? Plushenko. Insane.

Anyway.. I was thinking a lot today about how little my current job and my personal goals fit together. I'm doing a lot of extra work because "it'll be good for my career," but I'm pretty much wasting my time as far as that goes. I need to learn how to say no, because they keep asking me to do stuff, and to consistently go 'above and beyond.' I like working hard and learning new things, which is why I keep saying yes, but I can't see a future here.

Here's the problem- my company is the furthest thing from family friendly there is... they don't pay maternity leave (and this is a big, national, publicly traded company), the hours aren't flexible at all, and working part time isn't even an option. I've been embarrassed by comments from several people, management included, who talk about children like they're they plague, and make it sound like people who want babies are crazy podunks. Time off is discouraged, and coming in late/leaving early is almost never okay, even if planned. It's so bad they could advertise to the young and hip as anti-family.

Everyone there expects me to hate being pregnant, hate starting a family, hate that I have to "give up" working for a few months... what?!!?!??!? Are you kidding me with that? Why would I be excited to leave my precious little person that God let Jake and I make to come back to a meaningless, mind-numbing, thankless job? Everyone keeps saying, "Wow, maternity leave seems so long! You'll want to come back before it's over so you can get on with life and get away from the screaming kid."

Umm... Okay? Because my life goal is to pop out a brat, send it on to daycare at the ripe old age of 6 weeks, wash my hands of it, and move on with my life! Right back in to a tiny, sunless cubicle where I make absolutely no difference in the world but climb the corporate ladder because I'm marginally smarter than the other idiots they hired. Right.

Jake and I have the luxury of each other in a strong, healthy relationship, so we'll be able to share work and home responsibilities- just not with me working a full-time 9-5. I guess it sounds weird in the corporate world, but I want my baby, and I want to be there to love it and help it grow into a big, strong, loving, smart person. I have the love and attention span to take care of something helpless. I don't care if my 'career' will be ruined- it wasn't really worth doing in the first place. I'm going to raise a loving and loved child who will know its parents and be happy in the knowledge that we love him/her and are there for (him) and have time for (her). Our child isn't going to be the afterthought if our lives, a trophy or check mark for life that we only play with when it's convenient. I'm making a person, and working damn hard at it, too.

My baby is a person. I love the lil' nugget, and I won't be looked down on for that.

P.S., I'm gonna be so super stoked when we find out what it is, and can stop referring to it as an it...