I am angry at everyone and everything.
I'm hopelessly behind in school, and not for lack of trying.
I hate theatre because I'm going to be here until 11pm tonight, when class technically ends at 6pm, and should NOT start at 7.
I can't work because I need sleep and time to do homework, so I'm not contributing anything to our living, and yet I probably spend more than Jake does, even when I try to be frugal.
I have the flu. The aching, nauseated, exausted, stuffy, leaking, horrid flu.
I've seen Jake for maybe an hour's time (combined) since Sunday.
I've been so down that I feel impossibly far away from God. I know that He's where He's always been, but I can't find a way to get back there.
Spending time with Jake feels like spending time with a stranger, not because he's different, but because i'm a stranger to myself, and I have no idea how I got here.
I can't stand the thought of going to grad school.
Things will probably get better with much prayer, sleep, and face-time with Jake.
but
I'm feeling like my prayers never leave my head.
I don't have time to sleep.
Schedules leave no time with Jake.
The sky is very dark.
About Me
- Katie
- 'I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions' (- Augusten Burroughs). I'd like to be better than I am. Only by God's grace have I made it this far, and here I raise mine Ebenezer. My husband is my hero and my bestie... it's kinda lame, but we love it. We just had a baby (Daniel Jameson), and he's wonderful. It's such a privilege and blessing to get to raise him!
3 comments:
It can be so annoying when people say, "I know what you're going through" ... so I wont. No matter similar circumstance I may have gone through, or may be going through, I don't know what YOU are going through. I can pray for you. I can sympathize with you.
And when some pompous idiot says "God never gives you more than you can handle" I want to punch them in the neck. God is in the business of giving us more than we can handle. One way He drives people to Him is by driving them to their knees.
But between you and me, I'd like to get up off my knees and stretch for a bit.
For the first 3 months after Jason and I got married, he was working ridiculous hours and I was so depressed. I recommend all brides have 3 months of pajama time after the wedding. Wear your pajamas all day and take care of yourself. All the stress from the wedding and moving and trying to create some fantasy 1950's home life nearly killed me. (I actually woke up at 3 am to make him bacon and eggs every morning and vacuumed every day!) After 5 months of feeling lost and having no direction... I was pregnant with Maggie. God gave me a direction.
I agree... school sucks! I will NEVER get a masters! I cannot stand people who know what ethnomethodology is and actually try to avoid it just to sound educated!
I am sorry you are struggling right now.
I disagree with my wife about school sucking. I think CBU sucks (or at least the one I graduated from in 1999 does). I really enjoyed my grad studies at BIOLA. It also helps that I waited 1.5 years before going back in.
Jenn, I think, had the roughest time, and still has had through all the years. I have been amazingly blessed by such a supportive wife.
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